Monday, May 9, 2011

Kip Haggis on US nuclear capability


Note: when we last left Kip, Rich was about to introduce him into the wild in order to facilitate further studies in anthropology and upper primates.  During these preparations, news broke of the demise of Osama bin Laden.  This event prompted Kip to post a long rant on Facebook.  Said rant follows.  I will be using it as a springboard for subsequent posts on the realities of nuclear war.

Hola amigos!  Been a while, huh?  Well I've shaved my head and got my knives packed.  Rich is gonna watch me go camping and I can't wait.  Gonna show him how a REAL man survives!  Gonna find my food, then KILL it, then GRILL it over an open fire. AWESOME!
So while we were getting ready go, we got the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed by our troops. DOUBLE AWESOME!   I haven't been this happy since the PACKERS won the Super Bowl!

But ya know what?  It got me thinkin'.  WHY did we even have to do that?  Seems to me it coulda been taken care of a long time ago.  But nobody wanted to do anything about it.  That's right.  Nobody had the BALLS to ACT.
I'm tired of hearing about what a massive nuclear power America is, about how we have so many nuclear weapons we could destroy the world hundreds of times over.  So what happens when we have to commit military action?  Send in troops?  Fly over in planes?  NO!  You do what Truman had the BALLS to do back in 1945 and you DROP THE FREAKIN' BOMB!  No American soldiers dead!  Only the enemy!
Too much?  Think I want to nuke other nations?  I DON'T.  But I'm tired of seeing our soldiers die for OIL when we have the power to get what we want without ONE SINGLE American being lost.
Use FACTS and LOGIC PEOPLE!!  There must be a reason that America has been able to stockpile all those suckers.  There must a purpose to having all of those around.  I'll tell you what the reason and purpose is: GOD!!  God WANTS us to be a nuclear power.  God WANTS us to be the strongest nation on earth because we're His favorites and He knows we will follow and do His will. 

Weapons unused are useless weapons.  And now Pakistan is pissed off at us?  For defending ourselves?  Saying they're gonna "HIT BACK" if we try something like that again?  Yeah.  They're our buddies.  I'm tired of these little pissant countries pushin' us around!  Not when we can send 'em back to the Stone Age and make 'em glow in the dark to boot!  And do it all without losing ONE SINGLE AMERICAN LIFE!  So TAKE A HINT, OBAMA!  Start SAVING lives instead of WASTING them!  PUSH THE FREAKIN' BUTTON!
Oh and another thing.  Why aren't you releasing the bin Laden photos, Obama?  Huh?  What do you have to hide?  Either show us the photos or it DIDN'T HAPPEN!  God!  I hope TRUMP RUNS!

That's all for now.  Nichols and Rich look like their ready to head out for the bush.
Heh-heh!  Bush!

Peace, Love, and Smoked BBQ,
Kip


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