Monday, August 27, 2012

The return

It's all subjective.

That may be my new phrase, up there with "it's all relative" and other such toss-offs both pithy and inane.  Yet so many factors of our lives are subjective.  Our experiences, our interpretations of those experiences...our relationships with others.  Consciousness itself may even be subjective.

We, through our own consciousness or what we define as such, are said to be able to define our own reality.  We are the co-creators of our experience, along with our environment and the other factors acting within it.  We choose who we will be and how we will respond.  It's all in our hands.

Then there are times when the experience is a bulldozer.  It smacks you head-on, you are thrown from the familiar path, and you find yourself amongst the dense foliage of parts unknown.  You remain on your side in fetal position, sobbing from an especially intense fear of the dark.  You dare not move, for you may roll over and plunge off a precipice and into a bottomless void.  And there is one right next to you.  You know it.  You feel it.  And Christ it's dark down there.

In time, your own consciousness may become so acutely aware of your surroundings in the dark that an uncomfortable truth hits you.  This truth is the only light in the whole of the otherwise impenetrable void.  You are caught in it.  Spread-eagled in it.

You were driving the bulldozer that hit you.

Somehow, consciousness was unaware of that fact for it had been essentially bifurcated for quite some time.  You drove the bulldozer and then struck yourself in a feat of quantum mechanics and metaphysical prestidigitation. Cause.  Effect.  You did it to yourself.  And now your world will never be the same.

That is what happened to me.  That is why I have been gone for the past month.  In that time I have experienced a pain and a loss that is indescribable to me, one that I never thought I would have to endure.  I realize that I am being deliberately vague, but that's how it must be for now.  Partly out of respect, partly because it's all the more that I really care to say.  Suffice to say that the center of universe has fallen away for me.  I am now floating about, attempting to create a new one.

Within this process, I have realized a few things.  First of all, I have great friends.  A few of them are even fine folks that I have met through this blog.  I am fortunate that God or whatever compere of the fates there may be, has seen fit to place them in my life.  Secondly, the only way out is through.  It's a painful process to get back on the path or worse...blaze a new one...but sometimes we must fall or get knocked down simply so that we may get back up.  That's why I love this song:

That's right.  Finding the "Ordinary World."  That's what I'm doing now.  It will be a long, arduous process to do so, but make no mistake, my good readers...

I am back.

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  1. I'm so glad you've returned! Love, Debbie

  2. Thank you!!! Guess I just came to the conclusion that right, wrong, or indifferent, I am who I am. :) Love ya!


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