Friday, October 26, 2012

We must stop the Franken-storm!


I am always amazed to see real world events paralleling what I have once written.

Ok, maybe not written, but I had the idea for it.
I'm assuming you have already heard of if not inundated by the reports of a "superstorm" headed for the east coast of the U.S.  Hurricane Sandy has already caused a fair amount of damage in the Caribbean and is now poised to strike the Carolinas and on up into New England.  Already 500 miles wide, the storm is suspected to collide with a polar air mass over the U.S.  and then all hell shall break loose.  A few meteorologists have already made comparisons to 1991's "perfect storm," the superstorm that hit the Northeast and inspired the fantastic book and okay film of the same name.  In fact, a few of the headlines I have seen have been calling Hurricane Sandy, "Franken-storm."

Cute.  Reminded me of a plot I had once but never sat down to write.  It was a script for a film, actually.  A pity that many of the stars I wanted to cast in the roles have sadly passed away.  Let this be a lesson authors and scribes: when inspiration strikes, don't wait.

Anyway, climate change and human-caused deterioration of the environment one day causes a super-massive hurricane.  The largest in known record.  Funny thing about this hurricane, it becomes self aware.  That's right, the hurricane gained sentience as a living, thinking being.  And it's very unhappy with us over climate change. The final straw was the National Weather Service naming it Hurricane "Britney."  This hurricane gets the United States in its cross-hairs and barrels toward it, unleashing untold destruction.  Who could save us?

Fear not!  A squadron of Air Force pilots is up to the job.  The pilots are played by the creme de la creme of young Hollywood: Ryan Gossling, Kim Kardashian, Jessica Biel, Taylor Lautner, Justin Timberlake, and Tara Reid.  Up and away they go in their F-22s with full missile racks, missiles with warheads that contain hurricane dispersing agents.  Piece of cake, right?

It does not go well.  None of the pilots survive the storm.  Who is left to defend (what's left) of the good ol' US of A?  Old Hollywood, that's who.
A ragtag band of heroes consisting of Tim Conway, Harvey Corman, Don Knotts, Ernest Borgnine, Betty White, Carol Channing, Adam West, and anybody left alive from Green Acres, must now save the day.  They're spry, they're experienced, and they have the tools to get the job done.

You see, I was partly inspired by a whack-o news story I read many years back.  It was in the days post-Katrina in fact.  It was from what is essentially a conspiracy site, but it talks about manipulating the weather.  That's not exactly news as plans have been on the board for military weather control for quite a long time. 

What was interesting about the article's contention was that we supposedly already have the technology to not only move hurricanes out of the way but to steer them wherever we want them to go.  This occurs by using interferometers (yeah I had to look it up, too.  It has to do with the manipulation of electromagnetic waves) to create high and low pressure systems.  In theory, if you have direct control over where these pressure systems are formed, you can steer a hurricane.  Extending the conspiracy notion a bit further, one might wonder then about the timing of the "Franken-storm" being so close to the election. A plot angle I had not considered.

The heroes pack a vintage B-29 bomber with interferometers and fly into the storm.  All except for Ernest Borgnine.  Not wishing to place all of their faith in science, Ernest goes to the Navajo reservation in New Mexico.  There, he works with a shaman to perform a weather ritual in an effort to disperse the superstorm.  This ritual includes a dance around a blazing fire while wearing nothing but a butt thong.  While it gets dicey for a time, the protagonists win the day and the super hurricane fails, but...there is a pledge at the end by humanity to amend our destructive ways.

Then I came to understand that there was a similar "sentient storm" story in Ray Bradbury's short story collection, October Country.  Never read the book, but I suppose that I should.  If I have been thinking even remotely along the same lines as Bradbury, I can be happy.

If you're in the path of Hurricane Sandy, be safe.  It may be a while before anyway admits that the interferometers are operational.


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