Monday, August 9, 2010

Guest blogger--Kip Haggis

Hey my name is Kip Haggis.  You'll have to chill, 'cause I got SO fucking drunk last night that I don't know where I'm going with this.
Anyways, Jon asked me to write for this blog.  Lucky for you.  Now least when I'm around, you WON'T have to read his lame GEEK shit.
Let me tell you about me, 'cause I know you ALL wanna know.  I'm pretty much the total package.  I was president of my frat at Penn State.  I'm an Assistant Consultant Coordinator for a consulting firm here in the city.  But that ISN'T where my true heart is.  Two words for ya, "SMOKED BBQ."  I want to be the world's GREATEST backyard grillmeister.  I'm talkin' the mac daddy of EVERYTHING from hot dogs to beef brisket.  I want to go on Food Network and kick the ass of Bobby Flay, Alton Brown, and ANY of those other wussies who wouldn't know smoked bbq if it BIT them on their khaki pants behinds. 
See, that's something you won't have to deal with when I post on here.  NONE of that "vegetarian cuisine" shit that Jon dishes out.  God gave us permission to kill ALL the tasty animals we WANT.  It says so in the Bible.  Maybe that's the problem with things today.  Not enough people believe in GOD.  I mean, atheists.  What gives?  They don't even believe in ANYTHING?  Not even an elephant god with six arms or nothing?  That might be worshipping the wrong god and it'll end you up in HELL, but at least you believe in something.  How are KIDS supposed to learn about GOD?  Things really have slid into the crapper since the last decade when it was cool to be a Christian.  Too bad there doesn't seem to be anybody in the Republican Party who's giving any kind of leadership.  Except for Sarah Palin.
What else about me?  I give 100% and expect 100% given.  If you're out of work or COMPLAINING that you don't have any opportunities, it's because YOU don't work hard enough and YOU don't CREATE your own opportunities.  Don't cry to me about it.  I love sports.  WHITE SOX are my team.  You can find me at the games, wearing shorts and a Hawaiian print shirt as long as the temp is over 60.  Couldn't have named you a player on the team before their World Series win in 2005.  But that's cool.  How many championships have YOU had in the past 100 years, Cubs fans?  I didn't think so!! 
So that's about it.  Don't want write a stupid BOOK here 'cause NOBODY likes to read, anyways.  I'll be back from time to time, giving everybody a BREAK from Jon's geeky crud.
Later.
Peace, love, lollipops...and smoked bbq.

Kip

Follow me on Twitter: @Jntweets

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