Thursday, August 5, 2010

WARNING: United Nations control is coming...and they'll be on bicycles

It probably goes without saying, but I am fascinated with the bizarre, the unexplained, and the overall funny smelling.  Stories of this nature do not always have to take the form of UFOs, cryptids, or fringe science.  Sometimes, human politics does a nice job all on its own.

Republican candidate for Colorado governor and Tea Party favorite Dan Maes smells trouble a-brewin' in the Mile High City.  Maes' accusation states that Democratic Mayor of Denver, John Hickenlooper is bringing that city under "United Nations control by promoting bike riding."

This is all based on the fact that the city of Denver has been involved in a program called International Council for Local Environmental Initiatives, encouraging more residents to take to commuting on bikes.  You know, a campaign that's trying to do crazy things like cut down on the number of cars on the street, reduce the amount of carbon emissions in the air, and respect our environment.  But oh no, to Maes and the Tea Baggers, this just smacks of Euro-Socialism.  I'm talking straight from Sweden, folks.  
That's right, fellow patriots.  There is a conspiracy afoot.  And it's a doozy if I do say so myself, and I've read the entire annotated screenplay to JFK as well as the various flora and fauna of David Icke's "lizard people" theories.  The New World Order is coming for your cars, your Canyonero SUVs, and your military grade Humvees.  Next they'll be forcing multiculturalism down our throats, travesties like offering foreign languages in schools, ethnic eateries like Taco Bell, and our Tee-Vee cable sullied by channels like BBC America.  All of those namby pamby liberals trying to tell us that it's no longer enough to think we're the only nation on Earth that's worth a damn.  It's a veritable threat to all of 'Merica.  I can only wonder what Maes thinks about the effort to bring competitive track cycling to the Denver area. 
If isolationism is what the Tea Baggers want, I'm all for it.  Let's wall off a section of the American West or South and give it to them.  "As Rednecky As They Wanna Be."

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