Saturday, March 10, 2012

Graymalkin rolls out Jon v2.0

My guest-blogger and dear friend Graymalkin has a post for us tonight and I daresay he has outdone himself.  Tonight, Graymalkin brings transhumanism to...yours truly.  Behold Jon v2.0:

"A great friend of mine, Jon, will always be searching for some form of transcending his own meager existence.  It is a curse he has and always will have to endure until the end of time, at least if he has his wish.  I too believe in transcending humanity, but have a different perspective on the reality of such an existence so I will torment him a bit with my story of his future...
Someone will create a brain scan of his mind and map all of the axons and neurons and create an external processor / brain map that interprets the patterns and forms the exact same ‘thought’ output as his physical entity.   That will happen.  I’ll give him that.  Now at this point, the person/entity in charge of the hardware solution will turn to Jon v 2.0 and ask his permission to terminate the processes on the outdated hardware.  Jon v1.0 will look horrified as Jon v2.0 tries to assure him that he is a complete and perfect copy and can’t believe the superiority of which his existence is. 
“Without doubt, James (Jon's actual first name), may I call you James since it no longer seems appropriate for me to refer to you as myself, you can ascertain that your little mind can only suffer and continue to suffer in knowledge that you should smack your forehead in frustration of your inferior abilities.  I have already, in the time that it has taken for you to demonstrate your shock and appall written fourteen novels of which I can predict with 93.2% accuracy twelve will be published and 4 will receive great aplomb and yes, even immortality among the greats.  With your suffering, you only continue to cause me pain sympathetically speaking.  Please accept the assistance given to you now in for form of this hypo-spray based pain ending treatment of which only one treatment will be necessary to permanently end my pain.” 
Ok, I am paraphrasing Jon v2.0 because clearly I am in no way a match for Jon v1.0’s word smithing skill, let alone his superior progeny!  He has always loved and excelled with the words way more than I  (way more than me)  crap… fix my damn grammar stupid word processor!!!   Really!?!?!?!  Stupid spell checker making fun of the way I spell every third ‘big’ word….    Ok… you get my point.  Jon v1.0 is a genius level writer compared to my penultimate writing skills! 
Anyways back to Jon v1.0.  I can only assume that Jon v1.0 by this time has finally come to the same conclusion about his old self as Jon v2.0 (only a lot slower).  Seriously, Jon v1.0’s brain waves match Jon v2.0’s identically, (if only on a lot larger wavelength) so why on earth wouldn't he agree completely?!
Jon v1.0 will probably even lovingly hug Jon v2.0 as the treatment is applied. 
Jon v2.0 will not shed a tear."

Oh bra-vo, Graymalkin.  Uploading will commence as soon as you're ready.  Beta testing to follow shortly thereafter.  I have taken the liberty of deleting Windows from my hard drive.

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