Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The dumbest people on the Internet

We all do it.

We sometimes push on doors that say "pull." We lean up against freshly coated walls despite the "Wet Paint" sign not three inches from where we're standing.  We occasionally enter public restrooms without checking you're in the one designated for your gender.  Or maybe that's just me.

Typically, such things aren't indicators of your intelligence.  More likely it means you're stressed, fatigued, or pre-occupied with a million and one things.  Want something to make you feel better in times like those?  Well take heart, gentle reader.  In combing the interwebs for the very best in minutiae and esoterica, I have just the balm.  Behold...

These dumb people exist.

The entries, yes they're real, seem to mostly be culled from Twitter after what must have been exhausting and disheartening toil.  Yes, I guarantee you'll laugh but once the initial humor wears off, you'll get this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Any faith in soft meliorisms you once had, well...kiss it goodbye.  Here are a few of my favorite gems:

-"Sprayed his colon on me so he is all I can smell.

-"I'm sick of the U.S. Government.  I'm moving to California.  Fuck the U.S."

-"Was just trapped on the escalator for hours...power went out."

-"Oh my god i just found out titanic actually happened and isn't just a film?!!! #mindblown #sosad"

-"is african a religion?"

-"Squirrels are my new favorite reptile SOOOO CUTTEEE!"

The following are tweets from this past New Year's Eve:

-"happy 2014th birthday america i can't believe jesus died on the cross 2014 years ago."

-"I still can't believe the dinosaurs died only 2014 years ago :(   "

There is also a particularly side-splitting exchange about the Hunger Games.  To do it justice, you'll need to read it for yourself.

I don't mean to come off as smug or falsely haughty.  I'm fully aware of my own failings and the stupid things I have done.  Search through this blog and you'll find ample evidence of such awareness.  It's just that there are certain...basics a human should have.

I came across this collection of tweets not long after reading this piece from Maclean's.  America continues to dumb itself down, grow more and more averse to complexity, and anyone who pursues anything remotely intellectual is branded as an "elitist."

Read the piece.  Then look at the tweets.

Laugh.  Then cry with me.


Follow me on Twitter: @Jntweets

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