Frozen

I long debated if I should write this.

It’s personal. It’s also political.

For seven years in the previous decade, I blogged daily. I wrote about…well…weird shit. Then on February 3rd of 2017 there came the “suspension of operations” of Saint Joseph’s College. On that day, my feelings towards my blogging subjects are best described by Pete Postlewaite from the movie “Brassed Off.” 

I paraphrase: “I thought it mattered. But does it bollocks? Not compared to how people matter.” 

After that, my frequency of blog posts turned spotty at best.

In recent weeks, I was reminded of that turning point in 2017. I admit I run my eyes over CNN’s Top 5 stories every morning. At one point, “UFOs” was listed as one of them, reporting on how the new Pentagon program has had a large volume of sightings submitted to it. “Who cares?” I thought. Quick on the heels of that news blurb, the Times ran an op-ed about what a great time this would be to contact alien life. “Ya gotta be kidding me,” I said.

Truth is, I just can’t think past how scared I am. Of course it doesn’t help that I’m biologically prone to anxiety, either, so the manifestations of these emotions often become physical as well as mental. It’s like an icy hand has reached into my chest and taken hold of me. Were it not for essential responsibilities to fulfill, I could wrap myself in bed and stare at a wall all saturnine for hours. I can’t even read, apart from, as previously mentioned, essential responsibilities. Even eating is optional. I’m Gregor Samsa trapped in bed.

What happens to my job if the Department of Education is, in practicality if not in fact, dissolved? What happens to my family if disability is cut? And we aren’t even the most vulnerable. Many more innocent people are at greater risk in the face of what’s coming.

Hell, what happens if we lose the National Weather Service? How did that prospect even become a thing?

Like I said, I long debated if I should write this. 

Then I realized I’m utterly unable to write anything else.

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