Monday, January 9, 2012

Abstract expressionism my @%$!

It should come as no surprise that I like the weird.  I also like art.
Lucky for me…and all of you…this story combines both.

Last week in Colorado, a woman damaged a painting by artist Clyfford Still that was worth 30 million dollars.  Officials at the Clyfford Still art gallery claim that the damages totaled about ten grand.  And how did she manage to cause this damage?  By rubbing her bare ass against the art.
Additionally, the woman then attempted to urinate upon the painting but missed.  The painting can likely be restored as long as the canvas itself was not pierced. 

The woman, Carmen Tisch, was arrested and held on $20,000 bond.  No motive for her ass rubbing and attempted urination upon the art has been given apart from the fact that she was drunk at the time.  So what gives?  I’ve got a few shirttail theories:

-If you click the link to the original news story above, you’ll see a mugshot of Ms. Tisch.  She’s all inked up and got a lot of metal shit in her face.  Perhaps she’s a performance artist?  A Dadaist of sorts, a Dali by way of Sid Vicious?   Maybe her actions at the art gallery are meant to be a higher statement on society, art, or both?  An artistic act of pure heterotelic value, the meaning of which we won’t know until long from now?

-She’s against all forms of abstract expressionism.  She’s…I won’t go so far as to say “terrorist” but perhaps an “Occupier”…striking down physical manifestations of the form in order to prove a point and save the art world for the truly avant garde and “alternative.”

-She loves abstract expressionism but feels that Jackson Pollock is the art movement’s one, true representative.  All other such painters are mere posers and their work must be destroyed.  This is sort of like the art world’s version of a 1991 smackdown by a Slayer fan on a guy in a Poison t-shirt.

-Perhaps she is a “scent artist?”  I don’t know if such artists exist, I’m just waxing free and associated right now.  Something is embellished upon or artistically augmented by a scent or an odor.  Now, this painting just smells like that woman’s ass.

-She was just drunk and did something dumb.  Haven’t we all?


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