Saturday, November 6, 2010

Kip's Encomium of McDonald's


"Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun..."
Next to our National Anthem...y'know, "Born in the USA"...that beloved jingle is the one song I hum with deep reverence in my heart and a boner in my pants.  
I'm talkin' about McDONALD'S, baby!  House of the Clown!  I know you hear people all the time saying how bad their burgers are for you, how lukewarm their fries are, but what do you expect?  It's FAST FOOD!  And I for one will STILL go there!
And it's the taste I was raised on and so I'm raising my Girls on it too.  That delightful TANG that happens when the ketchup and the mustard get mixed together with the diced onions on a hamburger or a cheeseburger.  That kind of Choose Your Own Adventure sense of mystery when you bite into the meat.  That distinctive crunch and savory satisfaction that comes from a McNugget.  I'm talkin' flavor country, man!  And then there's the McRib (Homer Simpson-like drooling sounds.)  Finger lickin', lip smackin' good.
You can tell for sure that God created McDonald's.  There's just an Invaluable, overwhelming sense of the presence of the Lord inside one of the establishments.  He made it the same way He made America.  And it tastes GOOD...like AMERICA does! 

That's what gets me about the City of San Francisco.  Recently, they made the selling of Happy Meals illegal.  Let me say that one more time.  They made Happy Meals ILLEGAL.  What right does the GOVERNMENT have to tell US what to eat or what to feed our KIDS?  Next thing you know, they'll keep us from giving 'em a sip o beer, or their first cigarette in our own home.  It's not just un-American, it's going against God.  Come on!  What is more a part of our American, capitalistic, Christian values than a HAPPY MEAL?  Who could possibly be against it?  The mind wobbles.
 
So I don't know about you, but I'm gonna to keep going to Mickey D's.  I could have it as my breakfast, lunch, and supper.  In fact on a few days I actually HAVE!
Take that, San Fran!

Go Packers!

Kip Haggis 


Follow me on Twitter: @Jntweets

1 comment:

  1. From Facebook, Spike said: "Kip sounds more like a Cowboys fan to me."

    He's a total jackass is what he is.

    ReplyDelete