I was accosted by two Men In Black today.
They stood, blocking access to my car in the faculty parking lot. They were both roughly of the same build and height, both with beards adorning their faces.
"Professor Nichols," one of them said.
"Um...and you are???" I asked.
"Jordan," said the one on the right.
"Jordan," said the one on the left.
The Left Jordan leaned onto my car.
"You feel out of place, don't you?" he asked.
"I dunno," I said. "I subscribe to philosophical skepticism."
"Bernard is the existentialist," the Right Jordan said. "You are the literary journalist."
How does he know Bernard? Then again, who doesn't know him by reputation if nothing else.
"Tell us about your UFO sighting," Right Jordan demanded.
"I've never seen a UFO," I responded.
"Then tell us about your abduction," Right Jordan furthered.
"I've never been abducted," I answered.
"Oh yes you have," Left Jordan insisted. "Oh yes you have."
I began to fidget. Left Jordan shifted, still reclining on my car with his fingers interlaced on his stomach,
"What do you know about UFOs?" he asked.
I ran a hand through my hair.
"Well, a little, I guess," I said.
Both of the Jordans looked at one another and grinned tight grins. They nodded knowingly three times at each other,
"Lot of weird books on your office shelves," Right Jordan said. "Lot weirder ones at home, aren't there?"
"And books about...space," Left Jordan continued.
"And you blog and you blog and you blog, don't you?" Right Jordan asked.
"About very strange things, I might add," Left Jordan said.
"And this book you're writing about Dulce Base..." Right Jordan said without really going anywhere with the thought.
"Do you like the Winter Olympics?" Left Jordan asked.
"Oh do I!" I answered, unable to contain my enthusiasm.
"You're not voting for Trump, are you, Professor Nichols?" Right Jordan asked.
Stunned silence was my only reply by this point.
"You are not of this Earth, Professor Nichols," Left Jordan said as he stood up from my car. "And we think you know that."
Both of the Jordans then began to walk away.
"We'll be in touch," Right Jordan said. "We can get coffee next time."
"And get a new car," Left Jordan said. "Saturns are discontinued."
Of course this is all satire.
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