MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID
starring Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, A. Martinez, Kathryn Joosten, Arden Cho, and Taylor Dane as The Beav.
Giant pythons begin to grow in the Everglades. To respond to the threat, an enraged and grief stricken park ranger (Tiffany) feeds an experimental growth serum to the indigenous alligator population. A crisis ensues.
There are science fiction films that challenge our perceptions of reality and shake us from our doldrums in order to conceive of things bigger than ourselves. There are science fiction films that take us to strange, alien worlds in far flung reaches of space, or show us advancements in technology and robotics that are in our near future...as are the unique challenges and changes in society that come with them.
This is not one of those films. As a matter of fact, I recently read this quote from one of the producers: "No one's making Black Swan here." At least they are cognizant of it.
I...I don't even know what to say about this. I thought that it was genius to cast Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Llamas together in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. I thought it was inspired to cast Tiffany with Barry Williams in Mega Piranha. But this, this opus takes things to an entirely different level. My hat is off to them, those cinema mavens of truly discerning tastes.
This is not a good film. It's actually quite horrendous. That said, it is not unwatchable. It is apparent that everyone involved with the production was conscious of just what Mega Python vs. Gatoroid was supposed to be and ran with it. That has its oddly charming appeal as you get the feeling that they are in on the joke along with you and this is a total embracing of kitsch in a way that Adam West himself would no doubt approve. Further emphasizing that are all the slipped in references to the hit songs by both of the leading ingenues. If you came of age in the 1980s, you're bound to appreciate them with a slight wince.
Speaking of wincing, there is a protracted cat fight between Tiffany and Debbie Gibson, one that involves water, cake frosting, and whip cream. If someone were to have told me that we would one day behold such a scene, I would have called them an idealistic dreamer. Some futurist I am.
Follow me on Twitter: @Jntweets