Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Single? Lonely? Have you looked offworld?


Who can find decent, single people to date these days?  Chances are…you can’t.

That’s why you need to think about an alien.  This site actually advises how to hook you up with an alien of your choice.  How, you might ask?  A developer called LocalSin is about to offer an iPhone app that will allow you to beam your personal ad into space.  Yes, just like SETI, you can now cast your own beacon to the stars.  So that you can make contact...in that extra special way with any available male or female alien.  Then again it’s an alien, so gender might be a moot point.  Stay with me on this…

Science fiction is replete with alien hotties, mostly female.  Who can forget the Orion Slave Women of Star Trek?  Or even the sexy, slinky Cheetara from Thundercats?  Yes, I’m kidding and I realize that these are both fictional examples of humanoids, but if you can dream it, why not? 

Think of all the advantages of dating an alien.  All of those cumbersome human social conventions are tossed right out the window.  If you are her/his first experience with human then there would be no set expectations to meet and no other for comparison.  You might not even need to worry about money or deciding what to do for the evening.  If your date has a more highly evolved brain than ours…and it’s hard to imagine that they wouldn’t…your entire date might take place within your own mind as he/she melds with you.  That or you’ll be so easily impressed by whatever gadgets they have on them that you’ll spend the night magically entranced.  Just like Clarke says, “Any technology sufficiently advanced…”  Dating an alien might be the way to go.

But that’s the gag.  You might already be doing it.  This checklist from Geek Culture might help you to identify if your “Mate Is an Alien.”  Most of the points are rather lame and corny.  A few that sort of made me chuckle:

-If you catch your partner staring out at noctilucent stars, especially on nights like tonight’s solstice.  They may be communicating with their mothership.  Or they have a stigmatism.
-Operating household technology seems quaint and perhaps even a bit tedious to them.  They may be used to more advanced technology.  Or you’re just an idiot.
-After you tell them about your day, they immediately excuse themselves to the washroom for a while.  This is undoubtedly so they can report your doings back to their leaders.  Or you’re just boring.

Then again, if you still prefer that your booty call be of a more terrestrial nature, might I refer you to the "Asian women as beautiful as a Martian sunrise?"


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