Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Guest blogger Kip Haggis gives thanks...and gets revenge


Hola everybody!  Boy, I have got A LOT to be thankful for this year.
1) God is in my life and I'm not going to Hell.
2) The Packers are STILL undefeated!  PERFECT SEASON, BABY!
3) Things are going great at the BBQ Shack.  Might make assistant manager by next year.  SWEEEEET!
4) The Friday after Thanksgiving, while soccer moms fight over Barbie dolls and techies like Nichols go looking for new thingamabobs, I'll be hangin' out with THE GUYS!  We'll light a bonfire, take our shirts off, do body shots off each other, ask each other "how's your pecker?"  Men actin' like men!  GOOD TIMES!
5) McRib is back!
6) Nichols has been proven an idiot.

That's right.  He has.  No IFs, ANDs, or BUTs, about it.
Did you not see his post the other day?  Man, all those times that he got on his high horse, talkin' up those novels where people sit in a house on a rainy day and just talk about what's in their head.  Or two Frenchie guys sitting on a park bench, waiting for a third Frenchie guy to show up who never gets there.  Can you tell what those stories have in common?  NOTHING HAPPENS!  They SIT!  
I gotta tell ya, I remember it all like it was yesterday.  After a buttload more arm twisting than it should take any man to do, I finally got Nichols to come with me to a car show.  About time!  Because getting together is what guys do.  Getting together is...well, it's getting together!  Anyhoo, we were walking down the midway of the Dempsey County Fairgrounds when he tells me the new Batman (this was 2001, duh) movie was going to be directed by Darren Arrofoofyfoof or somethin'.
"Who's that?" I ask.
"The director of Requiem for a Dream," he answers, like I'm supposed to KNOW who that is or somethin'.
"Gotta stay away from that crap, man," I says.  "Just tell a good STORY!"
And he looks at me like I got lobsters coming out of my head.  How's a working man supposed to deal with a college egghead?

So now what is Nichols writing?  Somethin' with GUNS...and NINJAS...and HOT CHICKS...with BIG BOOBS...and COWBOYS (one of my favorites).  All he needs now are PIRATES and he might actually be getting somewhere.
For a supposedly smart guy, it sure takes him a long time to get with it and come around.  This is the kinda thing that the majority of America wants.  I am the 99%!!!


Til next time...peace, love, and smoked bbq.
Kip


Follow me on Twitter: @Jntweets

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