Saturday, March 26, 2011


Well aware that I am.  Never been a secret.  
Every once and again, something comes around before me that reminds me of just how weird I am in the greater context of America.  I attended a bachelor party this evening.  I really must preface that I appreciated the invite and that this post is by no means a reflection on the two guys who invited me there.  The party was for a friend and was thrown by another friend.  They're good guys.  More than acquaintances, less than intimates, thus available to me as "friends."  At the end of the dinner portion of the evening, just before the numerous attendees would file into a bus headed towards chicanery, my stomach gave me difficulty.  I was having trouble with it throughout the day, but hoped I might hold it together for the night. I have gastritis and it's like needles in the stomach when it flares up.  I excused myself and went home before the bus headed out to the hinterlands of the flesh.
Again, I'm appreciative of the invitation.  But upon further reflection, the occasion seemed so synthetic.  Not just this bachelor party, but I'm guessing most of them (I've only attended one before and no shenanigans were involved) are much the same: a perfunctory ritual of primates, using it as an excuse to drink into oblivion and behave lewdly.  If you do not see it as such, then there must be something wrong with you as a man.  No one said this or implied this to me, mind you.  I again speak only in the larger context of America.
I like to drink.  I love looking at the female form.  As a writer, I think that both of those vices are required somewhere in the contract, otherwise your writing lacks literary legitimacy.  Yet there's something about gatherings, loudness, and grown man behaving badly that does not appeal to me.  I'm sure that sets me apart and makes me weird.  Why stop there?  There are so many other facets that make me odd.
I don't think that Kim Kardashian is hot.  Looks good at first, but once she speaks I lose all interest. I've known a few women like that.
I hate bars.  I hate pub crawls even more.
I don't mind violating that Federal statute that says I'm supposed to be out of the house on Friday and Saturday nights.
I don't watch much TV.  
I have special disdain for reality TV.
It's March and I could care less about basketball.
I have no idea what songs are hits right now.  Don't care to, either.
I dislike rap/hip hop music and culture.  I suppose that makes me racist in a few people's eyes.
In loud, talkative environments, I sit quietly and observe.  It's a writer's trait.  Most people just think I'm just scoping the place out to come back later with an automatic weapon.
I have no interest in the business world or anything that really "makes money."
I don't own an American flag.
I don't feel the need to go to church.

I'm guessing that's enough to cause the guys from The Adjustment Bureau to show up at my house and say, "You need to come with us, Mr. Nichols." 

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  1. You can get your mainstream cred easy enough. Just drink boutique bottled water, buy an iPad, or lament publicly that you want your country back.

  2. @milkt0ast Well, I drink bottled water, I want an iPad, so I guess I'm two-thirds of the way there. Woot!

    @Debbie I not only like, but love a lot of things. :) Here's a small list:

    I love my wife dearly.
    I love my two puppies very much.
    I love animals of all kinds.
    I love funny animal cartoons and should really watch more of them.
    I love cookies.
    I love books and literature.
    I love to write, even though it can be excruciating.
    I love art.
    I love science fiction.
    I love mysteries of all kinds, especially the paranormal and especially UFOs.
    I love music, especially first wave alternative from the 1980s.
    I love Duran Duran and U2.
    I love comic books.
    I love learning, especially about transhumanism, space, history, and philosophy.

    While those things might not be for everybody, they make up a big part of who I am and I'm starting to like me again. I don't ask that everybody like those things too, just respect them. Or if they can't do that, then try to at least have respect for me. Like Martin Luther once said, "Here I stand. I cannot do otherwise."

  3. On Facebook, Dr. Rich said: "Aside from the last few points, you're preaching to the choir. I hold the oddness and eccentricity of ML in high esteem among my college memories. Where else, but in the company of other eccentrics, can a true individual fit in when everyone else is trying so hard to submit their personality to the communal average (and notice I did not use normal in this context)."

    Smithy said: "Jon, I was very happy you came out for at least the first portion of the evening. The tribal ritual of sending off the groom can take many forms, but certainly the overconsumption of alcohol and viewing naked women are a standard. I reali...zed early on, during the planning stage of last night's debauchery, that I was actually secondary to the booze and boobies, and that the "boys" were going to be living vicariously through me. I actually took it as a great honor that I was trusted with this responsibility, and did my best to live up to the expectations by consuming far too much liquor and ogling as best I could with crossed eyes.
    "...And I hope your stomach is feeling better now. Take care, and we'll hopefully get together soon for something more substantial, like some Axis and Allies or D&D! :-) "

    I look forward to it!


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